Somewhat of an encouraging story for anyone out there like me right now. The last few weeks or so I have been a complete mess in tears and questions. I have been so depressed lately that I have just cried and cried myself to sleep night after night. I did'nt tell anyone I kept doing this. By myself I always feel alone. With a crowded room yet I still feel alone. I knew what this was that I have. I know it's depression. It's been really bad in my families bloodlines. Anyways,days went on and on,and they turned into weeks that I had not told anyone about this. It got so bad as to the point where I was questioning why my life had to be like this,and could'nt be like someone else,or just not be at all. It was getting very deep now,and I had still not told anyone. A bad morning could automatically ruin my whole entire week it was so bad. I was having trouble keeping myself together. I could'nt keep up with the homework from school,and all of the studying for tests. I scored bad grades those days. I felt so alone. I felt as if the only person I could ever talk to was my boyfriend. One of those days,I was having a horrible day. It was just awful I felt like,and I thought to myself,I can't do anything right. I had bad thoughts. Very bad thoughts. To come right out I had seriously thought about taking my own life. These thoughts were awful. These thoughts were constant. I walked outside that night and could'nt help but just to cry and stare at the bright stars and moon that I really love so much.That night everything changed. I prayed to God outside under the stars and moon and I cried just as much also. I questioned to God this,"Why did you choose me to live?". I also told God that I needed a sign of why I was supposed to be living. I went inside that night and called my boyfriend up at college and talked to him for a little bit about what was up with school and everything,and just kinda had the usual conversation of a high school and college girlfriend and boyfriend. I all of a sudden came out and said it to him about how I was feeling that night and how I had thoughts of killing myself. That night he told me to tell my mom,or else he would call her non-stop until I had told her everything I told him. I told him I would,and he made me keep him on the phone until,I told her this. My mom was in somewhat of a shock that it was me that had felt this way for so long. She told me that she would get me into a physciatrist as soon as possible. I was so glad that I could finally tell somebody! I felt so free that night. My boyfriend said that I showed bravery in doing what I did. I am going for my first visit to the physciatrist tomorrow.:) I hope that this is somewhat of an encouraging story for teens like me,or anyone like me,or who has been where i've been,and understands that they do have a meaning in life. If I did not have a meaning in life,it is plain and simple,I would not be here right now typing this. If you are depressed please tell somebody!!! I also want to thank my boyfriend RaCeR for being my sign and guardian angel that night. I love you Michael.
its great that you have such a loving family and boyfriend... ive often had to struggle with this, and still do to a point, ive been through 4 physciatrists in the past 6 years for various reasons, 2 of the were state appointed... anyways, my family is far from broken, but they are slightly disfunctional (as i would imagine all families are in thier own querky little ways), but im the black sheep of the family. heres how it goes with me...
my family, (easter day for example) spends more time talking about me, than to me... yes even when im around... no biggie after 28 years you get kind of use to it... but like all things, it starts to wear thin and gets old real quick... so a few years back, after somewhat recovering from a divorce i came to realize that not everything could be as bad as i thought is was (this came with "professional help") and i thought its time for a carrer change... I used to work with law enforcement on a few levels and found that the job, coupled with the divorce and family matters had made me bitter so i left, short of changing my name i just left... left a good paying job, a good circle of friends (well connected too lol never got a speeding or parking ticket while i worked with the lol) anyways... lol i just realized that im rambling about things that prolly dont apply...
seeking, and being told to get professional help was one of the best things that i had ever done for myself, though it didnt fix years of damage between my family and i, and lol didnt find me a new girlfriend, it did help me cope with my "demons"...
i wish you the best of luck in the future... you're not alone with this type of problem, and you dont have to deal with it by yourself.. armed with your family, and your boyfirend, and other members at custo*** theres alot of people that care enough to listen.. and to help..
***re:: the custo comment... i know that there is alot of flaming, and disagreement going on here lol a good example would be the 'debate' (snicker) that rkenshin and i just had about rotary engines in the end are there any feelings of anger? not with me, i cant speak for rk... ive seen it lots of times with other users here.. a full on flame war in some thread and the bang the next thread its like it never happend... this does apply to submissions too.. to me this is what a community is all about...
______________ if you get a penny for you thoughts... but you throw your 2 cents in.. who makes the extra penny???
Shocks, I've seen alot of your comments are something along the lines of "this is too long, im not gonna read it." I'm just curious, but have you ever read a book? A novel, Dr. Suess doesn't count.
"I shake my pickle at you, sir!" ...gear :: custo admin...
hahahahaha, ive noticed something. a lot of people like the the holy grail. and hey i happen to like wacky wednesday and green eggs and ham, along with the philadelphia experiment and nickoli (cant spell) tesla's biography.
kk, those stories are long, so this one's gonna be short: I've been dealiing w/ mah depression for 5 years, have been on a slew of meds, and have been to 2 mental hospitals, which are hell on earth (still have nightmares about them). the people who care about me have helped me overcome depression for the most part :D depression imho is a disability of the mind and/or heart.
gear / viperglyph... HAHAHAHAHA at the books thing.. i prefer books like "flight of the intruder (Stephen Coonts )" or, the just recently finishd serise of dirk pitt novels by Clive Cussler... ive also found a liking to books like "On Killing" by David Grossman (its a long and boreing read but very informational on alot of things concerining the psychie of a soldire that also applies to law enforcement that might help people understand why people do somethings that they do esp after comming home from a war... or an OIS...)... another book that is worth the read (to me at least) is "verbal judo (George Thompson)"
now now RaCeR... (im just gonna call you rac from now on never mind with this shift key thing lol) what i did was an attemt of sorts to explain my situation (both current and past) to relay a message.. wht cowgirl did was more along the lines of freewriting. though a bit harder to follow (esp since im dyslexic) it's still brought the point across in a coherent manner (unlike true free writitng that is damd near impossible to desipher imo)..
karah... damd to belleviews eh?? i can see how that could genereate some nightmares... and i am inclined to belive your humble opinion on what deperssion is.. but there are some other factors that could come into play...
______________ if you get a penny for you thoughts... but you throw your 2 cents in.. who makes the extra penny???
This is just a story of encouragement,and nothing more. I do not really like sharing real life stories on the net,but it was just as a type of encouragement,because i've been throughh it,and know that i'd be a little bit better off knowing that someone else has gone through this sdame problem and not just me alone. I'd appreciate it if you could not speak about RaCeR. It was just an encouragment story. Invision this story more to your life if possibel,that will help a lot better than knowing about my life,and the beings in it. Thanks everybody.
been through it too... still going through it... but i wish you best of luck buddy ^.^ it makes me happy to hear stuff like this... well, not the sad part... but the good part.... ya know what i mean.
with me, i make short for those with reading disabilities *coughshockscough*
i've been depressed for, o, 5 years or so... and i'm only 16. Just a few months ago i talked to a friend of mine about it and she freaked out and called my uncle who i was living with at the time. He came to talk to me and when i told him what i was doing to myself (yes, i was very suicidal... not quite as much anymore). He said not to do anything cuz it wasn't good... yeah, i figured that before he had to tell me -.- when my dad got out of jail and i moved back in with him, my dad found out i was still depressed and was really surprised. The problem was that my family shrugged it off becuase they are too damn arrogant and proud to send their child to a psyciatrst or somthin (sry can't spell). So yeah, i met this girl... love her more than love... (if that makes sense to you) and she has made me so happy, and i've made her so happy. We live for eachother now... so i'm positive we could never separate... luvya Ashley ^.^
JESUS! You people (most of you) are just teens! What's going on?!?!?!?
Well, I am glad to hear that most of you are dealing with this kind of thing in an effective manner. I would advise those of you who still find it rough going to spend some time alone with yourself in the country (woods, etc.) AWAY frm the computer. It'll do you good, believe me.
As you can see from some of ther posts, LOVE seems to help, too. :-)
Too much information flying around and adults setting the sights for their kids too high. That's what I reckon it is. Nowadays there's so many people you can see making it big (online, on tv, etc), and even when you do something amazing, someone's probably done it before, so it's hard for anyone to feel they're anything other than ordinary. Everything's slowly going more and more stale, so I'm not surprised everyone's getting depressed.
I know what you mean. I got nothing but a few nightmares out of letting people know how I felt, but good luck to you, and thanks for sharing. (Seriously, though, paragraphs. Be nice to those of us who are literate enough to respond intelligently.)
LTD, you just answered your own question. Can you even remember when you were a teen? Or were teens treated like people, back 'when you were our age'? No offense, I'm not calling you a geezer, but think about it.
Not to stifle your religious belief's, but I do not believe in a god nor a purpose to human life. But nonetheless, I am happy for you for finding a way to deal with your problems.
there is a reason why teens have such a bad reputation. 13-16 is the time when teens are most confused and lost. they go through the cliched but true "rebellious" stage where they try to find (as corny as this may sound) who they are. they often do stupid things while in this stage. I am sure the older people here remembers that time. and for the teens, you guys will look back and recognize this in a few years just like how you can look back to your 8-12 days when you were a stupid bratty kid.
